If I Could Say Anything...

What would I say?

I miss you seems miles away from adequate.

I can't wait to see you again.

Also inadequate, and a long way off.

I suppose what I want her to hear the most, are the things I feel I didn't get a chance to say. So Mom, this is for you...

I appreciate you. Every single time you sacrificed something for yourself so that I could be happy, I noticed, and now I understand why you did it. I miss the time that we got to spend together each afternoon when you picked me up from school. Thank you for not making me ride the bus. Thank you for telling me every day that I was beautiful. I'm starting to realize now that you were right. The values that you instilled in me as a child are invaluable now. I am so grateful for the memories I have of your testimony, and the light you shared with everyone. Each time you asked, "What's wrong?" and I said, "Nothing." I was fibbing, and if I could get back each moment and share every insecurity and fear that I had (and still have)... I would do it in a moment. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I know as a teenager, I did my fair share. I've never for a second stopped loving you. There are probably a million times that I didn't take your advice, what I wouldn't give to go back now, with the realization that you are the smartest person I've ever met, and soak up every single bit of advice you gave me. Do you remember the stories you always told? I'm embarrassed to admit that sometimes, I try to tell them and I forget the details. How I wish I'd written them all down. I kept my promise. Mostly, just know that I love you. And I will never forget you. I am looking forward to the day that we get to be together again, and I am doing my best to live right so I can get there. I miss you every day.

I love you more that I can possibly say. I'm sorry if I didn't say it enough when I had the chance.

I know she still knows. Happy Mother's Day Mom.