Steel Magnolias

Apparently I've been lying to myself and everyone I know for years. I consider myself a southern woman... yet have never seen Steel Magnolias. (**GASP**) So Monday night Jen decided to set me strait. We plopped down on the couch in our pj's, ate chili and trash, and used quite a few tissues. It was FABULOUS. In honor of my recent enlightenment... I thought I'd share some of the most wonderful parts of the move. I might as well have included the whole script, but this will have to do.

Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

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Truvy: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.

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Truvy: Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face.

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Shelby: Pink is my signature color.

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[Referring to her daughter's many pink wedding decorations]
M'Lynn: That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: I am just about at the end of my rope with you.
Drum: Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it 'round your head?

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Truvy: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past.
Clairee: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past.
Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

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Clairee Belcher: [quoting her gay nephew] All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell.

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Drum: Ouiser, can we call a truce long enough for me to get a piece of cake?
[Ouiser slices him the tail piece of an armadillo cake]
Drum: Aww, thanks Ouiser. Nothin' like a good piece of ass.

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Annelle: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire?
Sammy: Beer.
Annelle: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine.
[dumps the beer out in the yard]
Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake!
Annelle: Who? Who did you say?
Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ!
Annelle: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain?
Sammy: That's the one.
Annelle: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter.
Sammy: Oh, Annelle, goddammit!
Annelle: I think we should pray.
Sammy: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!

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Nancy Beth Marmillion: That Jackson is one big hangin' man!
Shelby: [annoyed] Yes, I know.

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Shelby: I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
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Ouiser Boudreaux: [after knocking Clairee off the bench and pulling some of her hair] Get your roots done!

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[about the new mayor's wife dancing]
Clairee Belcher: Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.

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Truvy: When it comes to pain and suffering, she's right up there with Elizabeth Taylor.

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Shelby: Well, we went skinny dipping and we did things that frightened the fish.

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Annelle: Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.

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Shelby: Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much.
Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.

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Truvy: There's so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.

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Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

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Truvy: I'm just screamin' at my husband; I can do that any time!

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Clairee Belcher: They were both high. They'd been smokin' everything but their shoes.

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Truvy: Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not as sweet as I used to be.

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Truvy: I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: You are too twisted for color TV!

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Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

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Clairee Belcher: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

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Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: My God, you look different. Have you shrunk?

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Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle: Not on your first visit!
Clairee Belcher: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

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Truvy: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

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Truvy: Smile! It increases your face value.

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Clairee Belcher: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.


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Ouiser Boudreaux: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.
Clairee Belcher: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

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Truvy: Oh, honey, God don't care which church you go, long as you show up!

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Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!
Clairee Belcher: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

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Ouiser Boudreaux: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

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Truvy: You are playin' hard to get!
Clairee Belcher: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.

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Clairee Belcher: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.

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Clairee: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?

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Clairee Belcher: The older you get, the sillier you get.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.

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Clairee: And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week...
Ouiser Boudreaux: There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!

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Annelle: That is one ugly dog. What kind of dog is that?
Clairee: If it had hair, it'd be a Saint Bernard.

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Truvy: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14.
Clairee: You were brought up right.

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Truvy: There is no such thing as natural beauty.

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Truvy: I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural.

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M'Lynn: Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a gun at a lady!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!

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Annelle: [stands up after praying] Amen.
M'Lynn: [looking confused at Truvy] Was she just praying?
Truvy: [rolling eyes, frustrated] Yes.
M'Lynn: Why?
Truvy: Maybe she's praying for Marshall and Drew and Belle. Maybe she's praying for us because we're gossiping. Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows! She prays at the drop of a hat these days.

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Truvy: Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.


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M'Lynn: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.

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Annelle: Does your dress have to go over your head?
M'Lynn: No
Annelle: OH! Thank God!

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Shelby: [to Annelle] Relax! You can't screw up her hair. Just tease it and make it look like a brown football helmet.

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Truvy: What are your colors, Shelby?
Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful."
M'Lynn: Her colors are "pink" and pink."
Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama!
M'Lynn: How pretentious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you?

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Ouiser Boudreaux: Don't try to get on my good side, Truvy. I no longer have one!

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Ouiser Boudreaux: He is a boil on the butt of humanity!

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Shelby: Remember what Daddy always says - an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure!

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M'Lynn: Shelby, as you know, wouldn't want us to get mired down and wallow in this. We should handle it the best way we know how and get on with it. That's what my mind says, I just wish somebody would explain it to my heart.

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M'Lynn: [looking at herself in Truvy's compact mirror] Oh my God Shelby was right, my hair *does* look like a brown football helmet!
[continues sobbing]

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Ouiser Boudreaux: What's the matter with you these days, M'Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?

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M'Lynn: [after Ouiser drinks a soda and belches] Oh, now, that's attractive, Ouiser.

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Drum: Ouiser you look like hammered sh*t.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Don't you talk to me like that!
Drum: Oh,I'm sorry you look like regular sh*t.


If I had read this post last week, I would have been clueless. So, if you're a girl, or guy, basically... if you're alive and have a heart at all, you should watch this movie. Thanks Jen for such a fun night!! :)